Lets get real!

Inside the world is getting upside down or downside up
But I have to smile and talk because the outside world will not accept my real thoughts.

Inside my mind, I am pulling, screaming, cranky, snapping and hurting
But outside I am just holding a paper between my fingers to make origami or just
supporting my hands to look fine.

Inside, my blood is splashing through veins and creating chaos in my mind but
outside I have to look calm and always shine.

Spilling of these thoughts I cannot hide
because eyes never lie and ears I hardly get.
I wish I could just explain what's all in my head but
at the end I just get a paper and a pen.

This is not for the first time,
I am struggling through this every day and every night.

Sometimes I am very happy and sometimes very sad
And this world considered that she's a crazy lass.

Cutting my vein isn't a solution
because they will say that I am weak!
And I am not giving them anymore explainations.

Because I am not weak!
I am more stronger than my mind and
powerful than my thoughts.

But they also said that, words mean nothing
when actions don't match.

This compels me to get back into my shell.
No one will ever understand what I want to tell!